March 11, 2011

Well That Was Awkward...

Tonight was the eagerly anticipated pizza night in our house, so having to make a pit stop on the way home was already putting a cramp in my evening. I left work and hurried to Walgreens to pick up a couple necessities. Thankfully, there is one on almost literally every corner. This particular Walgreens was pretty hoppin' for a Friday night, and I weaved in and out of people to get back to the first aid section. You see, my son's feeding tube had become dislodged last night and I needed to get it back in place. And to get it back in place, I needed to lubricate it. I needed....a lubricant.

Oh. Right. I'm in the wrong section.

I sheepishly made my way to the "correct" section, where I tried to scan the shelves nonchalantly - all the while imagining I was somewhere more enjoyable, like at the dentist. I spotted what I needed, a generic box of lubricating jelly, and stuffed it under my armpit before anyone could point and laugh at me. As much as I wanted to, I suppose it's a little awkward to offer up an explanation to the woman at the counter, so my Plan B was to avoid eye contact and fidget uncomfortably.

Armed with my Plan, I head to the register when I suddenly remembered the second item I needed to purchase. I made a quick side-step over to the makeup, grabbed my favorite eyeliner that I was nearly out of, and scored a place in the checkout line. As I stood surveying the candy and lip balm, I looked down at my hands and horror washed over me when I realized what I was holding.

Lubricant and eye liner.

I suddenly felt like every set of eyes in the entire store were staring at me, wondering which street corner I was going to be working at this lovely Friday evening. After turning an unnatural shade of red, I politely dismissed myself from line and returned my items to their shelves so fast you would have thought they were made of searing hot lava.

And then I went home, emptyhanded, and had some pizza.

(As it turns out, water is all I really needed to lubricate an NG tube. THAT sure would have been a useful bit of info...)


  1. BAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made great light of an unfortunate situation! LOL!


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