LOST! No, Really....

Do you remember back in school, when all the other kids' parents were buying them brand new Nikes and you were stuck wearing Keds? I had a moment like that today.

I logged in to my Facebook account and there were five - FIVE - different people who referenced the TV show Lost in their status updates. Suddenly, embarrassment washed over me and I had to resist the urge to pick up the remote and delete my DVR'd Law & Order: SVU reruns. Benson and Stabler might be pretty awesome detectives, but how often do you see THEM show up in a Facebook status? Lost has become a cultural phenomenon that's engulfed society just as a stench cloud engulfs hobos. It's all-consuming, and rather confusing. Apparently there are entire blogs centered on decoding certain episodes, talk show segments aimed to answer viewers' questions, and forums dedicated to disecting the show bit by bit.

Well, I may as well admit it - I have never seen an episode of Lost. Not one. Part of me is proud of that statistic, as anyone who knows me is keenly aware of my desire to rebel against the norm. But I felt a little sadness too. I mean, I'm never invited to parties....but what if I WAS? Would I have to sit in the corner downing cheese cubes while all the other guests gossiped about the dramatic conclusion? What if they asked me what I thought of it? OR WORSE - what if they knew of my Lost ignorance and avoided me like a flesh-eating disease?

It was suggested to me that I Netflix all the seasons in order to reinstate my coolness factor, but I see a couple problems with this. A) My attention span with regards to TV is comparable to that of a gerbil. I can barely sit through an entire episode of House Hunters, which requires absolutely zero brain function, so the thought of watching a show that required not only concentration but homework is rather overwhelming B) It would probably take me another six years to catch up on all the episodes, at which point the show would no longer be of any validity and there mere fact that I was still watching them would throw any remaining coolness I had down the toilet and C) I don't have Netflix (yes, I DO live in a cave, thank you very much...).

So I have decided to remain in the dark, to keep wearing these Keds and sitting in the corner with my cheese cube. Lost disciples, I'm sorry I cannot join in your pop cult. Next time, try casting Christopher Meloni.