May 5, 2010


Where does it all COME from?

We decided to disassemble the death trap today to return it to Target. Seeing as how the entire crib was made out of cardboard and double-stick tape, I figured I could take it apart faster than Lainey could eat a plate of strawberries. (No really, I was trying to do it before she finished her breakfast and realized what was going on...). What I didn't anticipate, however, was the time that would be involved in clearing the STUFF out of it. But it's just a crib, right? you ask. What could possibly be in it? Well, I made a list. Keep in mind, this crib DOES have a changing table w/ drawers so that factors in - though is hardly an excuse.

In the drawers:
6 sleepers
10 onesies
3 pairs of pants
4 outfits
10 misc articles of clothing that no longer fit and I didn't even know existed because they lived at the very bottom of the drawers
a thermometer
an nearly-expired but probably recalled bottle of Children's Tylenol
a wrench
saline spray
a hair ribbon
3 socks, none of which are a set
2 books
2 rattles
a pink towel
a pair of MY underwear (?)

In the crib itself:
2 mobiles (only one was set up)
a baby mirror
13 stuffed animals, monsters, and misc. critters
5 blankets
a pair of pants
3 bibs
another 3 socks, which not only don't match each other but also don't match the ones that were in the drawer
a random AC adapter cord
a Winnie the Pooh ceramic statuette (I *think* I put it in there to keep it away from Lainey)
2 washcloths
a softball (I'm blaming this one on Lainey, too)

Underneath the crib:
a quilt
a fleece throw blanket
yet another 2 mismatched socks
one AA battery
2 crib sheets that have NEVER been used
a comb

Once I removed all of these items, I couldn't even MOVE without lodging a miscellaneous sharp object into my foot. Clothes were everywhere, toys were everywhere, and since I no longer had the storage area formerly known as "the crib" it all ended up in the only place that I could think of - the floor. Half an hour and 20some screws later, we managed to disect the crib and get it returned, but the nursery still looked as if a hurricane of Katrina magnitude has gone through it.

Twice I went in there with intentions to sort through it, and twice I've left after making an even bigger mess because it seems too overwhelming to me. In fact, I feel pretty confident that the stuffed animals are multiplying every time I turn my back. I'm just sure that next time I enter the room the Sock Monkey will have arranged an army that will try to strangle me with a burp cloth.

I finally made a mental checklist of what needed to go in the basement, what needed to go to Goodwill, what needed to get hung in the closet. I grabbed a garbage bag and headed back up the stairs, ready to take on the stuffed animal militia. I opened the door and stood, processing the mess. That's when I realized that somewhere between this afternoon and this evening, Lainey had gotten in there and had dumped baby powder on what little floor was still visable and turned the laundry hamper upside down. That's when I finally took control of the situation, and did what anyone else would do when faced with a mess of this magnitude - I shut the door and went downstairs to have a snack.

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