April 28, 2010

Favorite Blog EVER

This is my new FAVORITE.BLOG.EVER: Against My Better Judgement

Here is an exerpt from said blog. Tell me you can read this without shooting something from your nose, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!

"i just saw a commercial for charmin extra strong--for people who don't like toilet paper that leaves PIECES behind. It’s a cartoon, which depicts a mother bear chasing her unruly offspring up a tree as she tries in vain to pick pieces of “snowflakes” off his a**. The snowflakes, it is then revealed, are not something pleasant--they are, indeed, pieces of residue. To prove what they meant by “pieces”, the commercial actually demonstrated, with the use of a sticky surface and toilet paper, how dingle berries are born, which was pretty much the way I suspected they were born, being that I’ve never had the opportunity to see that sort of action in person. The new extra-strong Charmin left nothing behind, thus ensuring it’s user the freedom to climb trees without having your mother attempt to pick contaminated bathroom tissue off of your anus.

Then in the cartoon, the young bear shakes its behind (now dingleberry free) at the camera to prove how saucy a young bear who can actually wipe himself without residual disaster can be. Now, I actually had a friend who saw this commercial and was so appalled by it that abandoned Charmin and switched brands all together. I, however, couldn't do that. I am a Charmin disciple, I'd rather have my a** surgically removed than move onto another brand. I love Charmin, but i do agree that this latest ad campaign is questionable, although I do gleefully delight in it's lewd message. Seriously, though--unless you're an adult film star and an overly-aggressive wiper, I don't see how this can become such a problem that a whole different genre of toilet paper needs to be invented. I mean, if your b-hole is so sticky it can double as adhesive, then maybe you need to forgo a paper product all together and go back to cloth diapers, or go Afghani (although if that is your choice, I do believe you do need to wear a T-shirt expressing your lifestyle change so people can avoid interaction and hand to hand combat with you). You know, as much as I am pleased to admit it, dingleberries haven't ruined my life, social or private, and I don't recall ever once sitting on the pot with a feeling of despair and the need to scream, "G** damnit! If only this toilet paper was STRONGER!" I'm not sure who the market is for this product, but if dingleberries are this much of an issue, it certainly is not the only one."

For those of you who aren't familiar with Laurie Notaro, she is quite possibly the most hilarious person alive. To read her is to love her. In fact, I am not ashamed to admit that she is an author-crush of mine. Her first book, The Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club, was 100% pure entertainment. Since then, I have gone on to read Autobiography of a Fat Bride, There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell, and I'm currently working on her newest novel, Spooky Little Girl. I strongly urge anyone who is in desperate need of a good laugh to pick one of these books up. I promise you won't be disappointed.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Got somethin' to say?