April 28, 2010

Killer Claws From Outer Space

Last night, around 3am, I was rudely awoken by a sharp pain in my neck. My immediate thought, as anyone's would be, was that a vampire was in my room. Granted, I wasn't fully awake, but as I slowly regained full consciousness and took visual survey of my surroundings and I was assured that Robert Pattison was not, in fact, anywhere to be found.

Aliens? I DID just see the movie Fourth Kind, and lemme tell ya - that is some freaky stuff. Had they poked a needle in me to use as some strange human DNA testing? If so, they surely missed the mark - all the Nobel Peace Prize winners are at LEAST 3 blocks farther north.

A spider? O-M-G A SPIDER! **Common Goddess Enters Freak Out Mode** I jumped out of bed so fast that I think I may have broke the sound barrier, throwing the blankets out of the way with one hand while flicking my hair around with the other. Is it on me still? Is it laying eggs? DID IT GO IN MY MOUTH?!?

That's when I ran my hand over the wound and realized that it was a scratch. Hmmm, that's curious. Spiders don't usually have claws, do they? I took a minute to allow my heart rate to return to normal and then started my investigation again. Owen had been sleeping next to me (that's another story for another day...) and I carefully scanned him over to make sure that he wasn't injured in any way by these ghost claws. When I leaned in to take a peek, he startled and his hand shot out and hit me. SCRAAAATCH.

Note to any and all readers out there: If your child's fingernails get long enough to injure you in a middle-of-the-night assault, it is probably a good idea to find the clippers and get to work. I'm happy to report that although this morning I looked like I had lost a fight to a wolverine, I was able to take care of the situation and get my son de-clawed.

1 comment:

  1. You made me spit out my coffee -----> "Is it on me still? Is it laying eggs? DID IT GO IN MY MOUTH?!?" That is so totally me when it comes to bugs! I am going to watch that child from now on, he doesn't like me and he has claws, I am doomed!


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